What time is it?

“They” say that timing is everything. I believe it’s not just the timing but what you choose to DO with it. The 3rd chapter of Ecclesiastes speaks not only about time but what it is to be used for; “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NIV)
As I read this passage for at least the 3rd time, something struck me that I had never realized before. The passage speaks in extremes. Although “to be born and to die” are extremes, most of us are accustomed to their pairing. However, I was taken aback by the pairing of plant and uproot, kill and heal (especially), and tear down and build. Many of us operate under the understanding that we have to save, preserve, and restore what we have if we want to prosper and progress. What this passage revealed to me was that some things must be pulled up, extinguished, and destroyed in order for that which we truly desire and deserve to come to fruition. At times we may find ourselves sowing seed in an area where things need to be uprooted because we’re not in good ground. We may be trying to heal a relationship or area of our heart that just needs to be laid to rest because there is no fixing it. It could be that what we’re trying to remodel needs to be demolished because it’s built on a weak foundation. Every work and action has an optimal time/season. Doing the right thing in the wrong season is a waste of time.

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It’s time!

Time is our most precious commodity. It can be wasted or given away but never earned or replaced once it’s gone. It is currently 3:37am and this is the time most are using for sleep. Yet I am awake, charged with the task of executing this message. I know my “boss” well enough to know that although this message is very relevant to me, it is not just for me.
I’ve always been a risk-taker who lives my life courageously and without regret. Being a risk-taker has afforded me the freedom to dream without logic and go after my dreams without fear of failure. However, there comes a time in life when the stakes are raised. We often miss out because we are unwilling to take the risk and put “it all” or ourselves on the line. Lately I’ve encountered a lot of apprehension in respect to my ascension. But I have also reached a point where I know that there is more in me and more for me than I currently exhibit and possess. At the same time, I have also reached a point where anything less just won’t satisfy. Whatever it takes, I will not allow my perceived limits or obstacles to keep me from anything I could even have a chance of having. I will no longer allow myself to deny myself the opportunity to know if love could exist for fear of a bruised heart. Or even worse for fear of a bruised ego. I will no longer deprive myself of the simple or even elaborate pleasures in life because there is some abstract idea that I may run out of money. I will remind myself that this scarcity mindset has no place in the mind of a King’s daughter. I will let go of the belief that there is some great reward for self-imposed sacrifice. The only real “reward” for a martyr is death. I’m not talking about living carelessly, I’m talking about renewing my commitment to living fearlessly, even though the levels and stakes are higher. I have no regrets in my life because I believe that the only thing worth regretting is the thing that you never did. Up until this point I have no regrets. Why would I start accumulating them now? Now is not the time for hymning, hawing, or hesitating. It’s time to live, love, and let everything go that doesn’t support them. What time do you have?

Never forget what you KNOW!

I have been “bothered” by this or that (mostly little stuff) since my 1st (4am) wake up this morning. I’ve prayed and shook “it” off but “it” has been persistent. Then 2 things hit me: 1) Where there is a threat there is opposition. Seeing as though the enemy doesn’t have any new tricks, he’s up to his old ones… Trying to get me to give up before my full manifestation. 2) As I scrolled my Facebook newsfeed and noticed a few of my friends celebrating victories the2nd one hit me… My God is no respecter of person and He is faithful to complete the good work that He has begun in me (and you).
I say all of this to say, in times of discouragement, opposition, and struggle never forget what you know. Especially what you know about God and even what you know about the tactics of the enemy. Stay encouraged and encourage someone else.

Insufficient Faith

The Kings James Version of Hebrews 11:1 tells us that, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” I’ve been thinking about, working on, and being challenged a lot lately concerning my faith. In the past, I would’ve considered myself to be a woman of great faith. But even as I retrieved the verse for this blog, the revelation I’ve had regarding (my) faith was intensified. The verse specifically says “Now faith”, which to me means the faith for this present time not last year’s faith not even yesterday’s faith. Allow me to illustrate it more clearly and hopefully in a way that we all can understand. I remember some years back hearing someone who was up in years and no longer employed mention that they lived on a “fixed income”. The response of the person they were talking to who worked a standard 9-5 replied, “So am I. My check is the same every week!.” Most employed people have the same story with the exception of those who have the option of working overtime. So let’s say as an employed person your monthly take-home pay is $5000 and your monthly overhead is $4900. For all intents and purposes, at the end of the month you’ve brought in enough money to pay your bills and have $100.00 to play with. Under this premise you have sufficient funds to live on. But what would happen if you had to move and you could not find anything suitable for less than $150 more a month? What used to be sufficient would no longer be so. The same thing can happen with our faith. During times of reprieve it takes little effort on our part to have and keep the faith. When I was working and making more than enough to cover my expenses my faith tank stayed full. When I started my businesses and any money I made was able to be invested back into the business because I had another source of income, my faith never wavered. When my endeavors both business and personal provided immediate gratification in regards to my measure of success, my faith appeared great. I’ve always known that I was “going places” however I never gave much thought to how I’d get there. Nor did I give much thought to the fact that it would take more than me doing what I am humanly able to do to get me there. Now that I am faced with some requirements beyond my capacity, my faith is more important than ever. I not only have to believe what I don’t see I have to believe beyond what I do see. I not only have to believe that I’m going to get where I’m going but I have to believe it despite the things that I see and experience to the contrary. The faith that I had is no longer enough to get me where I’m going. It is impossible to reach the next level of my life trying to withdraw from an account that has insufficient faith. My old faith account doesn’t have nearly enough faith for what God is doing in this next phase. So I must either make greater deposits or open a new account altogether. If I don’t, like a check written on an account without enough money in it, I’ll bounce all over the place. Believing God for some things some times but not for other things at other times. This is an insult to God, who can do all things and a disservice to me, His child whom He loves unconditionally and wants to see prosper. He tells me so several times in His word. One particular verse has been shown to me over and over this past week: “Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.” (3 John 1:2 KJV). How can I not have faith, full faith, now faith, next level faith in a God like that? I can’t and I refuse to delay, deter, or deny any part of my destiny due to unbelief. I will walk by faith and defy my sight, believing God for every great thing He desires for me to have as His beloved child.

Single Girl Moments

I consider myself to be a “Satisfied Single”. I have not only learned to embrace being without a mate but most of the time I enjoy it very much. I can spend Friday nights, holidays, and birthdays companion free and be okay. I can be heard on a regular basis boasting about the freedom I have to come and go as I feel, cook or not cook, and keep a neat and tidy space with very little effort. I can share in the joy of my (male and female) friends who are in happy, healthy relationships. I’ve also been known to encourage others to enter into relationships, even playing matchmaker for others on occasion.

Single Girl Moment

Today is Sunday, which for those of you who know me means I spent the hours from 2-5 pm as co-host of the Tiona B Show on WPB Radio online. It was a great show entitled, “I am my brother’s keeper”. We talked about men, specifically men of color in a positive light with 2 great guests. Our in-studio guest brought along his wife, who just seemed to beam with love as she sat quietly yet proudly beside her husband. The show’s host Tiona Blyden also spoke lovingly about her husband David, who is one of her greatest supporters.  As a “Satisfied Single” these kind of experiences always give me hope for what is waiting for me in what I believe to be my not so distant future. I already have a good idea of the kind of mate I will one day be blessed with. He will be God-fearing, kind, caring, and supportive yet strong and assertive, with great leadership skills. A big part of being a “Satisfied Single” is knowing that someone greater than anyone you’ve ever had in your past will one day be a part of your present. Sounds like I’ve got this single thing down pat right? Well for the most part I do but I have my moments. Moments I like to call my “Single Girl Moments”, moments when the satisfied single woman in me takes a back seat to the girl in me. The girl who unlike the satisfied single woman has little patience and wants what she wants when she wants it. As I drove home tonight that girl suddenly took the wheel. Even in my present single state I have the privilege of having some really great guys in my life. Some of them I’ve dated and would never date again, some I’ve never dated because I’d rather have them as friends, and some I would date but just haven’t for one reason or another. There’s this one in particular that I have a real soft spot for and I know he has one for me as well. I also know that our timing is as off as a clock with a dead battery. Satisfied single me loves to hear from him every now and then but isn’t pressed when I don’t because I love my life regardless of how often his presence is in it. Maybe it was all the “my hubby rocks” in the atmosphere at the station, maybe it was my natural inclination (satisfied or not) to want to share the good days with someone, or maybe I just missed him. All I know is not being able to see or talk to him at the very moment I wanted to sent me feelings 1st into a single girl moment. Tears streaming down my face, throwing a full fledged (internal) tantrum complete with rants… “Why can’t I have a great guy to support me?! I know my guy is out there but where is he?!  God, you know that my heart’s desire is to have a great husband. Your word says that you will give me my heart’s desire, so where is my husband?! I’m doing it your way (celibate), now where’s my husband?!”. This went on for about 20 minutes of my 40 minute ride home. Then I came to myself and my senses. None of my feelings and not even my rant were invalid but they were a waste of 20 minutes that could have been spent in a much better space. A space of gratitude for being the woman who I am and having the people I do have in my life because Lord knows I could have much worse problems than being temporarily without a mate.

Some might be surprised to read what I have just shared, partly because of my personality type and how I am most often perceived but mostly because I am a relationship expert. Being a relationship expert does not exempt me from anything but it does provide me with an advantage when it comes to dealing with certain things. Despite my single girl moment, I am still a satisfied single who enjoys the privilege of being single more often than not. Today’s single girl moment was just that, a moment. It was not my 1st and it probably won’t be my last before I am Mrs. Merrily Married and then I’ll probably have different moments. It is my hope that in sharing this, some woman will have a better understanding of what are hopefully moments in her single season. That she will honor those moments and strive to be satisfied more often than not. That like myself she will enjoy her space, love the one she’s with to capacity, and upgrade herself while she awaits her best mate.

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Maintenance Free

Everybody who knows me knows that I love a good deal and free stuff does my heart extra good. Although I am quite the giver, I’ve learned over time that it is just as important to receive graciously. One of my prize freebies is a smoothie blender that I received from a girlfriend a couple of years ago. It blends smoothies and slush drinks with ease and the best part is it has a spout for easy dispensing. As I was washing my free gift this morning, I realized that there was a buildup of pulp on the bottom from the fresh strawberries I often use in my smoothies. As I proceeded to try to maneuver around the blade to get to the pulp, I realized (remembered) that there was a better way. All I needed to do was turn the picture over, unscrew the bottom, and remove the plastic ring to get the pulp all cleaned out. As I was doing this I had an epiphany… Even our free gifts (mental, spiritual, and material) are not maintenance free. Our keen minds, incredible insight, above average intelligence, divine anointing, melodic voices, fancy cars, designer clothes, huge houses, etc. may have been free or just came easy but maintenance is the price we pay for anything we possess. Often times we set out to attain and/or desire gifts that we have no clue how to maintain and therefore we end up losing, forfeiting, or destroying the gift because we don’t have what it takes to maintain it. We may also take our gifts for granted and never give any thought to their maintenance therefore not getting the full use of them or discarding them before time because they  appear to no longer work properly without proper maintenance. Sometimes we choose not to do all it takes to maintain our greatest gifts, our bodies and spirits because it not only takes work it takes discipline, courage, and commitment. Sometimes our spirits need to be broken down (like my blender) so that we can clean out all the toxic residue that has built up throughout our lives. Other times our bodies need us to discipline ourselves enough to leave the foods and other stuff that we ingest that do us more harm than good alone. Or maybe we lack  the commitment to take the stairs instead of the elevator, walk 30 minutes on our lunch break, or  blow the dust off of and use the exercise equipment we already have.  What gifts do you possess? How and how often do you maintain your gifts? Whatever it is, what it takes to maintain it we must assess the maintenance and get it taken care of! Maintenance is simply care and there are no maintenance free gifts! 

Single Mom

She awakes every morning hardly ever alone in her bed
The troubles of the world and worries for her little one take over her head
Looking down on the image of him and her asleep in her bed
Wanting to cry but smiling instead

Missing work or a date because they were not well
All night in the ER for stitches because they fell
No awards are ever given
There’s no praise to be had
She does what she does to play the part of Mom & Dad

All that she does is with their best interest at heart
Unlike their father, she’s here now and has been from the start
She works harder than most to better herself
They must be proud of her, if no one else

In the long run they are all that counts
Leaving a legacy for them is what it’s all about
Is she mad at the man who knows he’s the father
Not at all, never
Because for whatever he’s not
He’s given her the best gift ever

She’s a queen in her own right
From dusk ’til dawn
She’s their everything, their all
She’s a single mom